My super funky and retarded senior! (or should i say junior?)
haha. Big Bird! :D
haha. dunno how many stupid nicknames you have
oh wells. thanks for always being there, and brightening up my day!(:
love ya.
you're 16 now! act 16 please, and not 13 :D
psst. sorry. im.. 40 mins late. heh^^.

5 more days to Children's Day, to put it in a nicer way.
i guess this is the first ever time i'm ever getting stressed?
or even in a mild case.
i never really studied for PSLE or any other exams or tests for that matter.
i guess, yeah, i studied, at least in sec school. but. i never EVER got stressed.
i keep on telling myself that this is not the end, this is not the worst, there's still next year, with all the prelims and Os. and i shouldnt be getting so stressed.
usually, i get stressed only on the night before the first paper, and cant sleep, but. i'll still be able to do it.
but. this time, i dunno.
i guess stress is a good thing. i feel the rush to start studying?
i studied and studied like shit, and im still not ready.
its 5 days. 5 days. approximately 100 hours from this moment i'm blogging.
shit wad am i doing here?
rawrr.



:/
you disappoint me.
if you didnt know.
i know there's a sort of chinese hirachy.
i know.
somethings, are just not meant to be done. by you.
but. please.
you want perfection, yet, you dont lead by example.
you want help and understanding, yet, you dont lead by example.
kids learn through example. im a kid. i need example.
the small little things you let me see everyday.
just disappoints me time and time again.
i try to forget the past. but your actions just. makes me think.
you want trust and love. i want them too.
i try to understand you.
but sometimes, its just too. hard.
your reasons are just too. unreasonable.
i cant help but compare.
and it pains me.
:/


ok. i shouldnt be doing this.
blogging. got told off today for blogging and reading people's blog.
sighs.
i have 4 more subjects to choing.
rawrrr.
i have 5 days.
RAWRRR.
-
studying history does make people go mad. 3 hours just. drives people crazy.
Sarah went mad, Grace went mad, I went mad.
-
mugging chem tonight(:
i dun like the word mugging.
sounds like. making a cup.
mugging.
lol.

6 days left.
six days.
sighs.
sucks.
couldnt do the amath paper today. rawrrr. i die for amath, emath, history, chemistry, physics, literature, ss, everything and everything.
sheesh. chengjieyi sucks.
sighs. and the website for the lit is loading so so slowly.

was suppose to go to KAP for lunch today, and, instead of McSpicy chicken, i got the malay stall's chcken drumsticks. hahaha!
oh wells.

education isnt enough you know,
lead by example is the key.
you disappoint me time and time again.

sunday!
haha. yeps. today was. not bad(:
churching was nice(:

7 days left now.
7
7
7
7
7
oh gosh. im like. never gonna feel the rush. rawrr
my dad wont allow me to study for last 2 days? haha
he says i'll get too stressed.
oh wells.
sighs. when will i ever be ready for exams.
i woke up with a slight fever today, up till now.
totally explains my tiredness nowadays.
zzzz.
i realise, im not even focused now.
sighs.
i suck.
im really waiting for exams to be over.
17 more days,
exams will end.
then 20 days after exams end, i'll fly off to japan :D
then, in 48 hours, i'll fly off again,
and i'll transit in the same airport.
lalala. im waiting!!!
i wish i could skip the exams, skip everything, then. just go to hte part on holidays.
but there's no such things.
and before all these trips come to reality, there's the results.
sighs. i really dont dare to think about how much i aim to get for this exams.
rawrr.


i was so shocked and happy(:
he came he came!
its first time in.. months he even stepped into the church.
im so glad. <3
thanks to the gathering last night.
i believe he's fighting inside to go or not to go.
he sermon today would have been so great for him.
it would kill all other doubts he's been saying.
i pray that next week, he'll come.
<3


i realised.
that.
my life is actually quite boring
haha.
yeah.
boredddddd
i dun wanna study anymore.
i wanna take leave!

its been.. 5 days since i blogged?
hahaha. nice. i guess i figured that i kinda had to study more than blogging.
ok. so there's 10 more days to EOYs.
and. i have. zero motivation.
i never had any anyways.
now. i really have to concentrate.
staying back to study shall be alone, or with little people.
still not too focused. i have no idea why.
moodswinging? lousy.


thanks caro, for the hugs today.
the in-between of the hugs were the worst time of the day.
thanks for making me feel better.
random or wad, thanks(:
love ya(:

:/
i gave you so many "second chances", and i thought it would pay off.
i thought perseverance would reward.
i've tried. and tried.
ive tried all year long.
i've tried so hard, im tired.
i really am.
and you failed again and again.
i really want to give up.
give up all hopes.
i used to see that little glimmer at the end of the tunnel.
now, its gone.
alright now, im giving you one last chance.
prove yourself.
next thursday, i'll see how you do.
if you fail again, good bye.
:/

tomorrow is FRIDAY! woots. finally, the week is coming to an end.
this week kinda flew pass really quickly.
sighs.
i wanna be sec 2.


STUDDYYY

15 days left to EOYs.
DIEEEEE.
i wanted to spend.. 2 days for every subject, and i realised, THAT will never work out.
plus, all the tests and etc.
never.
history test again on monday, this time, SEQ.
sighs.
especially history!! i think, if i give myself 6 days to study hist(considering i take out the 2 languages) , it wouldnt work out at all.
and chem too. i only studied. the 3 chaps we had to study for the recent test. there's still.. 14 chaps to go? in 2 days? SURE.
sighs.
im so dead.
i have no idea how im gonna study for Olevels next year.
start. 9 months before the exams? which iss... dec!
sighs.
self discipline can get so annoying when you have such a low level of it.
rawrr.

i'm looking forward to the EOYs to end!
i have so much so much to do!
:D
chengjieyi is happy and excited!!!! X) X)

english oral today was.. ok.
nothing to say.
ended at 930, ended up going home near 1.
yeps.

nowadays, i've been staying back in school to study.
and i realise, i cant study anywhere.
sighs.
maybe its just me.
rawrrr.

suddenly thought of listening to this song on joy's ipod long long time ago, and falling in love with this, i have no idea why. but its just remembered this song.
yeps. nicenice(:
chem is a nice time to start dreaming

Saying I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say
but if you only knew
How easy
it would be to
show me how you feel
More than words
is all you have to do
to make it real
Then you wouldn't
have to say
that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do
if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say
if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

its more than words,
its more than what you say
its the things you do
oh yeah
its more than words,
its more than what you say
its the things you do
oh yeah

Now that I've tried to
talk to you
and make you understand
All you have to do
is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands

and touch me
Hold me close
don't ever let me go
More than words
is all I ever
needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do
if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
- More Than Words.

today went pretty high during eng and GEL.
lol.
after oral, they started talking about the "falling in love" show at 7.
then joanne started reacting the super drama parts.
lol. super funny.
and she ended up really unexpectedly!! coolio.

yeps. i was needing a good laugh for the week cos. its been very.. monotonee.
lol.
and very unmotivated.
not that the highness made me wanna study, but it felt ultra good
going high with a group of friends,
i suddenly see so much in common between us.
i guess im glad sitting with these 2 crazy chinese friends.
its fun(:

today was the sec4s' Longest day
its so unbelievable that it will be our turn next year.
our very own Longest Day.
after watching your seniors do it over and over again, for 9 years, it would be our turn next year.
we'll be leaving this place we've been sheltered in for the past 10 years, into another world.
yeps. it would be pretty sad. so so ultra sad.
i think i'll just. request to stay over in the school that night.
or. come back all the time for the camps(:
ladeeda.

oh wells.
im really tired.
zzzz.

yesterday was spent studying chem
and after studying chem for the whole of yesterday, i couldnt do the TYS.
and much less to say, i couldnt exactly do the paper today.
sighs.
i put some stupid answer such as the solution will ignite, when nothing is suppose to happen.
and i only realised that RIGHT after i handed in the paper.
sighs. im sorry, i'm gonna screw this test AGAIN.
everything's screwed up for this term, everything is dropping.
shit. so wrong.
anyways.
yesterday, i studied chem with caro,
and she taught me all her little shortcuts, which worked(:
thanks(:
and.
i forgot to bring my whole file of things to school.
but luckily we didnt use anything at all.
ALMOST had to have my emath
phew(:
hahhaha. ohw ells
im so screwed.
i hope i get my phone back

i am utterly speechless.
for everything and everything. that happened today.

totally failed my physics paper like anything.
deproved by ten marks. TEN.
rawrrr.
but then again, this was the paper i crammed the night before for one hour.
guess i deserved it.

i was quite amazed by the worship this morning.
pure piano and a pretty bad vocal.
yeah. it was boring. but it was beautiful(:
but the "sermon" was pretty. pointless.
oh wells.

left the attendance board outside the mac lab today after attendance
totally forgot about it.
no wait. not really. i remembered during chapel.
and. it was found by Mr Ong,
thank you(:

:\
and because of what YOU said last night.
that mere one word.
you disappoint me so much.
really.
i made a resolution this year.
and you made me break it.
because of one word.

"Tomorrow will always be a better day"
somehow, i find that really hard to believe in this sentence recently.
everyday just. disappoint me.
especially for the past week.
every one day of that week, just makes me. speechless.
i have no more energy to go on.
no more no more.
really.
but then again, i thank the Lord for the little creations that he made.
those are the small little things that makes me smile everyday after everything on the way home.
those little innocent creatures(:
Let's hope that tomorrow will really be a better day(:

today was just. weird.
went to library to study for like.. 45 mins?
lol. then weird things happened.

sighs. wad can i say. weekends dont actually sound very nice.
sighs. oh wells.

church camp's coming up.
its damn nice lah. they were like.
"there's only 3 factors which you have to ocnsider, which is already considered for you! so all you have to do, it GO!
1. cost. you dont have to worry about the cost cos we're not collecting money. volunteerism.
2. clashes with school or CCA, dont worry. the church can write letters for you, and explain.
3. time. you dont have to worry cos, ITS HOLIDAY. "
yeah thanks
-
then, someone else adds another thing
4. parents. ( i was like. wow. someone actually understands!) you dont have to worry about them. doesnt mean that if they dun go, you cant. YOU JUST NEED THEIR PERMISSION.
-
sighs. wad can i say.
they all think all the teens have nice parents who will just ALLOW them to go for the camp
poof. can i blame them? most of us grew up in church.
ohw ells.
the March camp was enough for me. i was thankful i actually had drill com to cover for it.
Nov, another drill com?! sure man.
sighs. sucks.

rawrrr.
totally cant concentrate.
tomorrow, chinese oral, history test.
i wanna give up so badly.
perseverance is like. zero.
hahhaa. ohw ells.
rawrrr.

byee

September holidays are officially over.
only one day left to school, 3 weeks of chionging, then, the exams.
yeps. the sept hols just flew past. so many so many things happened.
its been a long week.
but i guess, its time to take a breather.
realise i havent done much this week.
really. i aimed to do so much, planned out everything, but. i only FAITHFULLY followed it for 1 day. lol.
so much for self discipline.
i have so much more to go
a history test on monday which i havent finished studying.
a chem quiz on wed which i. havent finished studying.
chinese oral which im probably gonna do really badly compared to last year cos. i havent beenspeaking too much chinese.

argh. today was just. bad.
maybe i just got off the bed on the wrong side.
today was just. wrong wrong wrong.

Always remember I'm by your side
Such a shame that you had to go
So much more that I'd like to know
So many things you forgot to show me how to do

When times are hard I forget your gone
I go to call you before it dawns on me
That you wont be there now
But I still have these words that you gave me

Always remember I'm by your side
Always remember I'm by your side

I got two kids of my own now
They grow up so fast
And how I wish you did not miss that part of who I am
But I keep doing all that I can do
And I will smile when they ask about you
And I will sing to them every day
With voice and the words that you used to say
Will change the world one day

Always remember I'm by your side
Always remember I'm by your side

And while they grow up you will show up
In things they do and say
Like a reflection to a connection
Of who they'll be one day
They will learn to get their wings
And fly through the changes life will bring
So on
And it will go on
And you will go on

And they will sing with the voice that you gave them
Always remember I'm by your side
Always remember I'm by your side
I'm by your side
I'm by your side

对不起
对不起，我让你失望了。
对不起，我让你对我信任辜负了。
对不起，我知道我伤害了你的心。
对不起

today, physics in the morning.
lef tthe house 2 hours early, yet 1/2 an hour late.
had this really scary guy on the bus who is. freaky.
oh wells.
after physics, lunch at the petrol kiosk.
then. the day's kinda boring.
but. im really tired after the whole day.

after all, im really tired.
but im not giving up.
have no freakin idea why im still going on when the rest has just. stopped.
after speaking to so many people, there's really no confirmation.

"letting go is the hardest"
yeps.

went for nice indian breakfast at little india this morning. yeps. it feels so good. and the food was pretty nice too(:
then, went to KKH. almost died in the crowded and noisy place. but i was entertaining myself with all the cutecute kids. yeps. they were soo cute(:
cant help but think why are they here. some of them look so fragile and helpless and so. weak. and sick. and. poorthing. ouchhhh.. those really small ones were really. i dunno. cant find a word. sighs. my heart goes out to them. poor things. <3>
then i see those pregnant woman at the cafeteria, kinda pity them. for the life they would have to go through from then on, but yet, envy them. cos they'll have cute babies. oh wells. the hospital is a pretty sad place. but. a happy place too. its where lives are lost, and also where little babies are born. happy and sad place. its like. so. contradicting!
going back there after so long, im reminded of. how. everything happened.

i feel like becoming a.. kids doctor(:
cos all the kids are so cute.
and i dun wanna be a kindergarten teacher cos i dun wanna be cleaning after them:(
blehhh.
dunno lah. decide when the time comes(:

9:50 PM

today was just plain. slack.
watched 2 movies in a row. Hairspray and Ratatoille.
and got super sick of the popcorn taste.
yeps. i have to agree.
popcorn at Golden Village is much better than Cathay.
hahaha. and the aircon at Cathay is. super cold.
met up with the 3 of them today(:
hahaha. it was super fun.
and i had to treat all of them ice cream cos i owed them their birthday presents.
so. we had venezia at taka, and pastamania at cine. shopped.
hahaha. funfunfun.
and all the talks we had. catching up with each other, it felt really great(:
goodnight(:

today,
went back to school to get some stuff, and had to wait for my mum
and, she dropped me off at 1030, picked me up at 640.
i was walking near the concourse with stella,
then suddenly, a taxi came in!
hahaha.
guess who was in the taxi! HAHAH.
smart.
artroom's kinda a nice place cos you get to listen to free nice music.
lunch-ed at Esso having tom yam instant noodles in A COOL CONTAINER!
hahaha.
oh wells.
my com's kinda weird. i dunno wad my sister has done to it?
there's this voice saying out wadever im doing.
im like. typing this, and its like.
" caps lock on. I.M. space L.I.K.E.spaceT.Y.P.I.N.G. ....." haha. you know the rest.
lol.

meeting the 3 of them tmr(:
yayy.
"Little Miss Splendid"
cutecutecute!!

hahaha.

was late for physics today. the first thing i heard when i stepped into LT was lipin going: horr.. jieyi's late....
ahaha. funny. after physics, went for lit
caro ponned
nice.
caro, you want the stack of notes its a WHOLE lot
then. after lit, went carrot-caking again. yeps. the eversonice carrotcake.
and we went crazy.
walked in the rain, it felt so good once again.
did ss, and rushed down to beach road.
omg. the freakin' bus took ONE AND A HALF hour to get all theway there, and then i was half an hour late.
and my tutor told me that there's a much shorter way that only takes 35 mins.
rawrrr.
sighs.
oh wells.

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you

Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

-What am i to you, Norah Jones




my patience is wearing out.
or should i say ive lost it.
even _ didnt make me lose it this much.
but you.
week after week you grumble and whine
wad you grumble about, is against wad i believe in.
but i still listened.
until one night,
you msged.
no matter wad the subject changeed to in the end,
wad you said will always remain.

and after all this, i've seen your true self.
after 10 years of friendship, ive finally seen.
boy, was i blind.